I�m starting to get more than a little miffed at this general attitude that a certain percentage of the population has that just because they don�t agree with something or just because their church or their mom or television told them to have a certain opinion about something, that opinion is somehow more valid than anyone else�s or that that opinion makes them somehow superior to those around them and therefore gives them license to sit in judgment on everything and everyone around them. Who are they to judge?

Okay, I deem that the rant is officially over (just be glad I pared it down from seven pages).

In other news, I'm incredibly poor.

Seriously. I have, like, no money. It�s all gone. I used to have money, but I spent it. My flow of income has dwindled a little bit in recent months, but I guess the big problem is that I�ve been unable to curb my spending. A casual observer would be wont to find the spot from which my savings account is hemorrhaging cash, but I can probably point to it.

Despite years of conditioning, I am simultaneously cheap and an inveterate impulse buyer. While I can usually make it out of Target without a new pair of jeans or pass by The Gap without running in and buying a T-shirt, I just can�t make it out of the Exxon without a Snickers Ice Cream bar, can�t find my way out of Wal-Mart without a package of iced oatmeal cookies, can�t walk past the lunchroom without snagging a chocolate milk � can�t do it.

That�s all well and good in little increments � a dollar here, a dollar there � but over time, it adds up. And when you really look at the totals, I honestly cannot believe the reckless abandon with which I have been spending. I�m sure I�m not the only one in the student body with big plans to go away to college and everything, but I�m going to need money to do it -- lots of money, because college is expensive and I am poor.

The entire objective of my obtaining employment was to put some money away for college. That system worked pretty well for the first six months. Then I realized that there was no bank fairy that was going to come beat me up if I made a withdrawal from my savings account, and since then, it�s been a downward spiral. Sure, I went on an expensive vacation this summer and had the time of my life. That�s justifiable, because that I saw coming. That I planned for.

However, I did not plan on becoming addicted to the DVD box sets. Those things are so good, all packed with bonus features and deleted scenes and all manner of laser-y goodness. They are also expensive and their packaging is irresistible.

The other problem I have with saving money is that I have a limited capacity to follow through on things. At the beginning of the school year, I decided to walk the entire neighborhood every night with my sister Crash and our dog.

Every night might have been a pipe dream, because we only end up walking one or two nights a week. Part of the blame rests with my shoes, which are not exactly a quality production (thank you Wal-Mart), but I can�t afford to buy myself new shoes right now because I am poor.

Anyway, the moral of the story I only walk two or three days out of seven, and that tends to be about my success rate when it comes to saving money. I set up a whole budget system with percents and everything, only to break it the second a new CD comes out. Even when the money does make it all the way to the bank, it�s not out of the woods yet. Sure, it�s in the savings account, but the bank made the unfortunate mistake of giving me an ATM card, giving me instant access to my bounty 24/7.

Does that make any sense to anyone, the fact that I see no problem in plunking down $39.99 for The Simpsons on DVD, but when it comes to buying clothes (in this case shoes) that I would wear every day and essentially need for survival (at least more than Bart on command), I immediately cinch the purse strings?

Not only that, but I don�t generally volunteer to stay late at work as much as I used to, and the less time you spend working, the less money you make. Stupid principles of physics and common sense. Stupid having a social life. Science has foiled my plot to buy a soft-drink company once again. I�ll just have to settle for the soft drinks themselves, and enough of them to make me financially destitute.

Bottom line, I am never going to have money, ever again. And even if I did, I wouldn't be able to spend it on anything for me. I'm going to have to borrow like crazy to pay for college and then spend the next few years of my life paying off the student loans and whatnot, and then go to grad school and start the process all over again.

Why? Can't I just decide now to be homeless? Maybe I'll move in with one of you. I'm relatively low-maintenance. I have been known to go days eating nothing but cereal, and all I need is a TV and a computer with an Internet connection. So that's it, then. Operation: Adopt Pat. Submit your applications to me for review. Bonus points if you have a TiVo.