[RING] [RRING] [RRRING]

Receptionist: "Thank you for choosing Sanchez and Jacobs, how may I direct your call?"

Pat: "Hi, Stephanie, it's Pat. Is Dr. S. busy?"

Receptionist: "No Pat, he's just finishing up some paperwork. I'll put you right through."

Pat: "Thanks, Stephanie."

Hold music: (Barenaked Ladies) "I don't think I need a rubber room, but that might be nice. I'm not a manic depressive paranoid or schizophrenic so I don't need your advice. I am crazy just like you. I am crazy just like you."

Dr. Sanchez: "This is Dr. Sanchez."

Pat: "Hey, Dr. S. It's Pat. How's tricks?"

Dr. S: "Not bad. Just finishing up some notes on a lecture I'll be giving next weekend."

Pat: "Well, that sounds not boring."

Dr. S: "Yeah. How was your vacation?"

Pat: "Pretty good. I didn't kill or threaten anyone, and I'm still a little bit sane, so that's something."

Dr. S: "Well, congratulations."

Pat: "And congratulations to you, too, birthday boy."

Dr. S: "Who told you?"

Pat: "I know everything, because I...AM...SPARTACUS!"

Dr. S: "I take it you were watching That Thing You Do in the car."

Pat: "Guilty."

Dr. S: "You know, I get more excited about the holiday than the fact that it's my birthday."

Pat: "The holiday?"

Dr. S: "Well, July 15."

Pat: "Ah, yes. St. Swithin's Day."

Dr. S: "St. Swithin's Day, summer's answer to Groundhog Day."

Pat: "You've got to feel good about that."

Dr. S: "I suppose I do."

Pat: "I mean, your birthday is an officially sanctioned, signed, sealed, and delivered holiday."

Dr. S: "Well..."

Pat: "All I've got is Noah Wyle."

Dr. S: "Yeah."

Pat: "I mean, I like Noah Wyle okay, but he's no St. Swithin's Day."

Dr. S: "I know what you mean."

Pat: "You know, I've often wondered what St. Swithin's Day was all about."

Dr. S: "It's actually quite an interesting story. You see, St. Swithin was bishop of Winchester from 852 to 862. He had requested to be buried in the churchyard when he died, where rain and the steps of passersby might fall on his grave. He was buried per his request, but before long, they decided to move him. It was July 15, 971. Once they had moved the body inside the Cathedral, a great storm ensued. And popular legend has it that if it rains on St. Swithin's Day--"

Pat: "--it will rain for 40 more days. But if the weather is good, we'll have good weather for the next 40 days."

Dr. S: "Someone's been doing their homework."

Pat: "I try."

Dr. S: "Speaking of homework..."

Pat: "Shut up, Dr. S. Don't even go there."

Dr. S: "You start school again August 1."

Pat: "No, I don't. Shut up."

Dr. S: "Back to school, back to books, back to teachers' dirty looks..."

Pat: "La la la la, la la la la, la la la la. I'm not listening to this."

Dr. S: "Impressive. You went with the Vancome Lady. Always a good choice."

Pat: "Speaking of that, Nicole Sullivan was the $50,000 question on Weakest Link the other night."

Dr. S: "Well, that's good times."

Pat: "Yes it is. Nicole Sullivan rules all within her sight. AWW! Crap!"

Dr. S: "What? What happened?"

Pat: "My Band-Aid fell off."

Dr. S: "That sucks."

Pat: "Whatever. You know, I was watching TV the other night, and it occurred to me that you don't ever see any television characters with Band-Aids. What is up with that?"

Dr. S: "I'm sure it's a conspiracy."

Pat: "I'm serious. How often do you cut or scrape or accidentally stab something and need a Band-Aid? They shouldn't feel the need to try to explain it away. They should just go with it. People put Band-Aids on themselves when they get hurt. It happens. It's a non-event, but it's a very real part of life."

Dr. S: "I'm sold. You should lead the charge in doing something about this."

Pat: "Yeah, whatever."

Dr. S: "Rally the troops. Start small, you know, with local news anchors. Blackmail Paula Sands with the horse story and get her to pioneer the movement."

Pat: "I'm hanging up now."

Dr. S: "Sorry. I'll stop."

Pat: "Anyway, I was just calling to say Happy Birthday."

Dr. S: "Well, thank you."

Pat: "You're welcome."

Dr. S: "So, what are you doing this weekend?"

Pat: "I thought I'd find someone to drag along to the Family Fest and get my picture taken with those guys from Trading Spaces."

Dr. S: "That's kewl. I have...um, plans...that day, but I would have loved to go with you."

Pat: "Liar."

Dr. S: "We'll do lunch?"

Pat: "Sure. Call me."

Dr. S: "Alright. Later."

Pat: "Bye."

[Click.]