Remma's got me thinking about love.

Love is many things. The Bible says that love is patient and kind. The dictionary says that love is "a deep and tender feeling of affection for or attachment or devotion to a person or persons."

Okay. I guess I can go along with that. Although, people love many different things, which Webster, in all fairness, accounts for, but that was like the fourth or fifth definition, and this isn't 7th grade English here. This isn't about copying definitions, especially of derivative words, which cannot be defined by their root words, according to Mrs. Witt. Not that love isn't a root word. Never mind.

Anyway, people love many different things. Many people love other people. Some lucky bastards love their jobs. Kids love their pets. A large contingent of fans profess to love Lucy. Some of us love a really good, kickass sandwich. Mmm, sammich!

Alex, a corner of the triangle in the 1994 cinematic masterpiece Threesome, has been known to say, "Golly, I love big words." Something she and I have in common, I guess.

The soundtrack from that same movie features a song by Human Sexual Response whose title poses the question "What Does Sex Mean to Me?" And that is really my goal, to answer that question for myself. Except about love instead of sex. Although some people equate sex and love, "mistaking lust for love," a woe chronicled in a Barenaked Ladies song called "Thanks That Was Fun," as well as, I'm sure, many others.

It's not an easy question to answer, but a lot of people have tried. Songs are a perfect example. Remember Haddaway? What about Alanis' new single, "Under Rug Swept"? But there we go blurring the line again. Which came first, the physical attraction or the lasting affection? It's tough to pick apart the two, because one feeds on the other. But that's just romantic love, right? What about familial love or agape love?

Sure, we love our families, but we also want to strangle them. Wait, isn't that another piece of the puzzle? That love is strong enough to turn into physical violence? Oh, goody. This is like a sadistic, gloppy mess of a treasure hunt. I think I'm gonna barf.

And we love our friends...some of them at least, right? It's true that friends come and go, but some friends stick around for awhile. Those are my favorite kind. I latch onto things (not just people) too easily. I get attached. And then comes the goodbye. I suck at goodbyes. I don't cry or anything, but they're always awkward as hell and afterwards I debate whether or not I feel abandoned. I don't know.

Anyway, back to love. 'Types of love' was a bust, so let's work backwards. What are some things I love? I love books. I love television. I love music. I love ice cream, but then Sarah McLachlan keeps going on and on about how love is better than ice cream. Dammit!

Ooh, I've got one! Love is mysterious. It is a roller coaster, a Pandora's box. You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and then you have...the facts of love? Maybe. I'm getting warmer, anyway.

If you love something, you have to set it free. If it comes back to you, it was yours all along; if it doesn't, it never was. I guess it sucks for you if it doesn't come back. That's a gyp. So, love can be a ripoff. A gamble, maybe?

Love is like pizza - even if it's bad, it's still pretty good. Wait. No, that's sex. My bad. Although it does take some effort to screw up a pizza, if you know what I'm saying, because I sure as hell don't.

Bill Cosby used to ask four-year olds about love on that dumbass TV show. "Love is a feeling you get in your tummy." Unfortunately, there's something to that. Love is a mind game, anyway.

Love is a paradox. I'm beginning to think this is a case for Unsolved Mysteries, one that even Robert Stack couldn't solve, even with backup from Keeley Shaye-Smith and Virginia Madsen.

Brian Ford Sullivan gained my eternal respect when he said, "Simply put, Sports Night makes me excited about life." In that, I think I have found my answer.

Love is like Sports Night - it makes your excited about life.

I love my life. I think most people would say I've got a pretty good one. I love my friends and I love my family. I love a toasted peanut butter and grape jelly sandwich. I love, and I'm not quite sure how I feel about that. Dammit.

Okay, I promise this is the last quote I'll paraphrase/steal: "I can't define [love], but I know it when I see it."

That's going to have to be good enough because it's hot and I'm tired, so I'm going to sleep now. I love sleep. Dammit!