Here it is. I did one of these thingys last year, so I decided to make it a pointless tradition.

Five Things I Miss About Home

1. The Youth Group Formerly Known as Gamma Omega Delta

This was the best ensemble of people I ever had the pleasure of hanging out with on Monday nights. It was real and it was fun, and then we learned some tough lessons, too. I wouldn�t change anything about what happened, because it all turned out okay in the end.

2. The Weather

I miss the snow! Snow and cold weather was just fun and I think we took it for granted. Because it being so very cold outside made it that much warmer inside. Here, I have trouble telling the difference most of the time.

3. The Coffee Shop Experience

I know these coffee shops are all going the way of the Conestoga Wagon, but it wasn�t so much the coffee shops themselves as the things we did there. I�ll never forget the time we reminisced about that �Mad TV� Full House Reunion Special. I laughed so hard I cried. We finally stopped laughing, like 15 minutes later. I was scared I was going to pass out. And of course, shooting original episodes of �The Morning After� cemented its place in our history.

4. The Subtlety of Home

This is one of those touch-and-go things that I can�t really quantify in terms of words, because you just can�t. Everything was much more understated. I guess the best way to describe it is like this: you know how when �The Simpsons� was good, they�d have those little in-jokes? You know the guy who always tried to explain them to everyone else in the room and ended up missing the next one because he was talking? That�s everybody here.

5. The People

Which brings me to my next point. What the hell? Sometimes I wonder if I didn�t just step into some weird vortex where nothing makes sense. Sometimes the people are really nice and wonder why you�re not. The opposite was true last night as I finished up my Christmas shopping. (As in, I was all jolly and crap, but I was still getting dirty looks from the old.) It�s like everyone is schizophrenic.

Five Things I Love About Here

1. The Library

One of the first things I experienced here was the Local Public Library. Sherry immediately both frightened and compelled me. She kept me coming back for more, and eventually I became a volunteer and Friend of the Library. We�ve had a lot of fun together and caused a lot of trouble. Too cool.

2. The Place Where I Work

Another example of really cool people whose existence I was unaware of. I work there now, about 25 hours a week, and I can�t imagine having a better job. The pizza benefits alone are worth it. And somehow, I can�t seem to process that every hour I work is another $6.00 of my paycheck.

3. Ascension High

Things are what you make them. I made this. I don�t know how happy/not happy I am with this, but it�s good for now. And we�re making changes and improvements in that regard. As with a good wine, it will get better with time.

4. Friends

Believe it or not, I�ve met some not-so-evil people in the last year. Some of them went a little psycho on me at one point or another, but it�s worked out okay. They know who they are and that�s good.

5. The Blatant Obviousity of Things

Sometimes it's nice to be able to keep things simple. Then again, sometimes it's not.

Five Things I Hate About Here

1. Local High School

Seriously, an exercise in poor administration. I�m still confused as to how, exactly, they think some of their wacky policies are benefiting anyone. The teachers are their own brand of crazy, an odd mix of being in the South and being�well, a teacher. The students are a mixed bag, but it�s mostly those other things and very few cashews. I love cashews.

2. The Blatant Obviousity of Things

Sometimes things aren�t meant to be �spread out for you in a nutshell,� beaten to death like a dead horse. Keeping this short is its own example.

3. It�s ALABAMA (the general din of stupidity)

Come on, people. It's Alabama. You know, Alabama. Just living here is bad karma. Let's see them put THAT on the license plate.

4. The Obsession with Football (even despite the obvious sucking part)

Football blows, no matter how you look at this. It's only moderately fun to play it (unless it's dark outside and freezing cold; then it's a blast) and it's almost like being in a coma to watch it on TV. Granted, people are obsessed with it everywhere, but I guess I wasn't really that much aware of it then.

I haven't even hit on high school football yet, which is the real issue. Sparkman and its wonderful overseer Mr. Holland pours all the money he can find into our football team, which still SUCKS! Does anyone else see the problem here?

5. There�s NOTHING!!! to do

There is literally nothing to do in Huntsville. It's a giant strip mall and after that, you pretty much have to go to Birmingham, Nashville or Atlanta for anything worth the time, effort and money (with the notable exception of Barenaked Ladies' spring concert at Huntsville's too-small Von Braun Center).

That brings yet another annual tradition to an end. Maybe next year I'll feel that this isn't totally pointless and do another one for my 'loyal fans' who constantly visit. It seems I can barely quench their insatiable desire for pointless information about me. Oh, well. It's their loss.

Red text indicates edited, changed, or added portions. Edited 12/16/02.