Once upon a time in the great land of Ala-bama, a youngish boy traversed a great distance in search of employ. After great and considerable search, he acquired a position as a money-changer at a merchandisery known as Walton�s Market.
Walton�s Market was highly regarded throughout the land as a den of discounts and a domicile of deals. The boy was elated to have been chosen for the job and thoroughly enjoyed both the work and its fiduciary benefits. Each fortnight, in exchange for his physical and mental efforts in regard to his duties, the boy received monetary compensation.
As was the style at the time, a great portion of this compensation was remitted to the land-lord of the dwelling in which the boy resided. Additional funds were doled out for the maintenance of televisual and telephonic services, utilities in the boy�s municipality and other necessities, including sustenance, which was occasionally procured from an eatery known as Ghetto Mex. Additionally, the boy was required to exchange a portion of his earnings to an educational institution in the noble pursuit of a scholarly degree that he hoped would serve him well throughout his life.
Generally these expenses prevented the boy from obtaining personal luxuries of a technologically current nature. The wonders and joys of such appliances as Microsoft XP and the gasoline-powered automobile were beyond his reach, prohibited by his meager pocketbook.
One eve, the boy found himself discussing current affairs with his room-mate, Sir Danwich of York. The two concluded that, while they were fortunate to have a vast array of choices in television programming, they were prevented from fully realizing the true enjoyment of this service due to the mathematical limitations of their moving-picture box. It was decided upon that the matter of a new set would maintain a presence in the back of their minds until the necessary funding became available.
Not long after that, the boy began noticing strange and wonderful occurrences at Walton�s Market. Certain electric devices which had been prestigiously and perhaps ostentatiously displayed for the amusement of the general populace were available for purchase at rates that could be considered delightfully reasonable. A certain state-of-the-art moving-picture box was particularly lucrative, available at a fifty per-cent discount.
As the days went by, the boy mentally computed the mathematics of his situation to determine a budgetary allotment for such finery. After concluding that no major expenses loomed on the immediate horizon, the boy consulted Sir Danwich about a possible exchange of currency for merchandise. This prospect excited the boy�s noble co-dweller. However, it occurred to Sir Danwich that certain foodstuffs and other rudimentary accoutrements would be unavailable to the boy as a result of such an exchange. The boy conceded this point and gave up on his dream.
It was only after nightfall that the boy had a revelation. Walton�s Market made a habit of extending to its patrons credit for purchases, especially those patrons with fortunate credit ratings. After consulting with great over-lords, the boy sought such an extension and his request was fulfilled. Fate had smiled upon the boy, now a proud keeper of one of the finest moving-picture boxes in the land, a 32� flat screen HDTV, and just in time for the ritual anniversary of his birth.
�Huzzah!� cried the villagers.
�Huzzah, indeed!� hailed the boy.
A day of celebration was declared and the boy received a respite from his daily duties to enjoy his new possession. The bright, happy colors and the crisp, clear sound were the subjects of various informational accounts and hushed whispers that spread through the gossip mill like wildfire in Death Valley. Its beauty was cherished and its majesty was highly regarded by everyone who was honored to bear its witness.
On the fateful night that brought this gift into their home, the boy and his room-mate had another talk. They smiled and talked of their hope that this beautiful appliance would bring them many years of televisual contentment, through thick and thin, through Oprah and Ted Koppel, through Cops and Joan of Arcadia. And it did.
That boy�s name, in case you were wondering, was Pat. And now you know...the rest of the story. (The story of Pat�s new telly, anyway.)
Someone got here by searching for: adam brody diet coke And: religious fanatic And: my dog hurts what can i do Reading: The magazine pile. Just read: Love, Ellen, Betty DeGeneres' touching, if dated, autobiography. Watching: Everything, because everything looks better at 32" in HDTV. Drinking: Lots of alcohol, tomorrow night, for my birthday. Woo!
