"Don't you want to ride in my Survival Car? We can take the long way home." � Fountains of Wayne, "Survival Car"

Oh, God. The entry started off with song lyrics. He must be depressed.

Good call.

Sucks for you guys. I promised myself that I'd try to get back to the fun, happy, exciting, vaguely entertaining entries of my journal's infancy. Apparently I won't be keeping that promise.

I've got myself a good funk going, and I'm not quite sure why. It's been a stressful few weeks since school started, whether I want to admit it or not. There's a lot going on in the world around me, and I'm making more of an effort to concern myself with that instead of being the introspective, selfish bastard you've all come to know and love. See? College makes you grow as a person, or, at least, want to grow. Last month I was in a meeting and we were doing a 'bonding' activity. Part of the exercise required that we each describe ourselves in one word. I chose 'selfish,' which, honestly, probably covers it. One of my good and wonderful friends offered the following comfort: "You're not selfish. You think about other people, you just don't act on it." Thanks, dude. I feel so much better.

Recent discussions with the Danwich have covered the general suckitude of the greater University Town area and the sad truth of the area's unrealized potential. "Some days," I said, "it's harder to live here than others."

I've been having a whole week of those days and it really does start to catch up with me after awhile. For every person that makes a concerted effort to change things in this area, there are ten more running around with Bibles and praising the status quo and ten people who'd love to see things change but would rather sit on the couch eating barbecue and being inert (I had to explain the meaning of 'inert' to a group last night. I guess it isn't any wonder I'm depressed.). It falls to the rest of us, the ones who'd rather kick at the darkness than seal an uneventful fate, to get the ball rolling, however tentatively.

Granted, I've got a really accommodating class schedule. But at least two of the clubs in which I hold offices require me to essentially run them, which is a part-time job in itself. Not that this gives me an excuse for not having attained actual part-time employment yet.

I was promised a hellacool job that would be waiting for me upon my return in January but that has failed to materialize to date. This has driven me into the open arms of internet job listings, which are more hilarious than practical. Like, I totally have the patience to babysit three-year-olds. All the good on-campus jobs are taken, and all the good off-campus jobs, which the campus job site firmly states are mostly within walking distance of the school, are at least an hour away. Bitches.

And honestly, some days I just don't feel like it. When I consider the effort it takes on a daily basis to work for change and work to learn and work to find work, sometimes I just want to take to my bed (or possibly a cave) and hide out from the world until I feel better.

The thing is, that really doesn't do any good. The world doesn't stop turning just because I choose not to participate in it. When I finally do decide to rejoin society, I'll be that much farther behind the pack. And I'm behind enough already because I have patently refused to do the assigned readings for anything other than English so far this semester. Even that is a waste of time. The discussion of today's selection degenerated into an analysis of the volleyball team, followed by a conversation in which one of the brighter crayons in the box announced that she did not know what a preposition was. Ugh.

I've been through enough of these moods to know that they eventually end, but in the meantime, I'll continue to suffer through Basic Reporting, because I paid to be spoken to like a child, dammit, and I'm not going to waste all that money just because I feel like crap. Plus, I have tomorrow off and there's candy waiting for me back in my dorm room. I like candy. "Me gusta los dulces." Heh. See? I'm feeling better already.

Someone got here by searching for: "college suckfest" And: fail out of college Reading: I plan to take a whack at some textbooks tonight or tomorrow. Pray for me. Or something. Listening to: Incessant rambling. I think it's supposed to be some kind of lecture. Watching: The Butterfly Effect. Not the best movie ever, but considering I saw it for free and considering Ashton Kutcher, mostly okay. Except for that Amy Smart girl. She can't really act.