Hello, SGA people? Hi there. Remember that Reese Witherspoon movie Election? Yeah, me neither. But go with me on this for a minute - why can�t elections at Sparkman be that interesting?

Let�s pretend, just for a minute, that all class officer high school elections are not just popularity contests. Oh, who are we kidding? But anyway, that shouldn�t stop you the student from getting involved in, oh, I don�t know, YOUR FUTURE. But maybe that�s just me.

I heard a lot of people say during the week that they were going to decide on whom to vote for based on the speeches. The speeches? That�s like deciding which brand of snack cake to rush out and buy based on the commercials.

Have you heard these speeches? I sort of did, when the microphone decided that it felt a little bit like being in the same zip code as working, but when you take away the theatrics of raised voices and the primping and the mobs of chanting crown bearers, the speeches are just a bunch of lies candidates string together in an attempt (however misguided) to get themselves elected.

Just like a real election, you say. Quit ruining democratic government for me. I don�t come to your house and ruin your ideals about our country. But anyway, the rest of you could at least try.

�I�m going to do everything I can to make this the best senior year in �s history,� lied every single candidate for class president ever. What an original and creative speech. Oh, except for the �original� and �creative� parts.

Do something interesting with your speech. Make me want to vote for you. Better yet, make me want to pick my head up off the table I�m trying to sleep on and pay attention or maybe actually care for a few minutes.

Of course, the first thing everyone is going to say is, �I don�t see you running for an office.� I would then be forced to get all �I don�t have enough time to be able to effectively serve my class� this, �I ran last year and nobody voted for me� that, and �Like you really want to put your senior year in my hands� the other thing, but it�s also important to remember that we can�t all be elected officials or even candidates. Some of us have to remain members of the media to keep track of what�s happening with our student government. Not to get off the topic or anything.

Those who ran and those who won are on the right track, but you have to make things interesting. (Except to say this: Way to run unopposed, you gutsy SGA officers. That was some fierce competition you beat out as you clawed your way to the top. Not.)

Remember, �Men plan, God laughs.� The best moments of any senior year don�t come from the meticulously planned big events, they just happen.

Great. Fine. Prom Night 2002. Magical. But which event is more likely to stick out in your mind the most: the colors of the streamers on the walls at the Von Braun Center, or Mark Christensen falling out of that cart at that assembly (on purpose, whatever). There. You see how I can�t remember what assembly that was? That�s what I�m talking about.

As class officers, especially as senior class officers, your job is not to plan; it�s to create. Don�t have a sense of adventure and spontaneity? Go pick one up at Wal-Mart. Oh, wait. Yeah. Because the job�s not for everybody.

We don�t need Goat Lady Jr. running the senior class, because that�s just boring and plus, the diplomas would all have weird, inexplicable blue dots on them. The senior class president should be someone you can go to with ideas, someone who knows what they�ve committed to, someone who knows better than to lie to their constituents right off the bat.

However, since we all know that this article isn�t going to spur a single person to give the teeniest bit of a crap about anything at all election related, I�ll leave you with the quote from Tammy Metzler that touched my heart in that fateful 1999 cinematic...never mind.

�Who cares about this stupid election? We all know it doesn't matter who gets elected president.... You think it's going to change anything around here, make one single person happier or smarter or nicer? The only person it matters to is the one who gets elected. The same pathetic charade happens every year, and everyone makes the same pathetic promises just so they can put it on their transcripts to get into college.�

Student elections. Heh.