Out of boredom more than anything else, I went online to take a look at current events, in hopes of getting all riled up about some random piece of world news.

However, I found a much more disturbing and horrifying story right in my own backyard.

The Washington Post reported recently that the Smithsonian National Zoo in Washington, D.C., is raising a stink (stink, zoo? Get it? Yeah, well, you obviously haven't been to one in awhile) over a fourth amendment issue.

This all stemmed from the death of the zoo�s beloved giraffe, Ryma. Post reporter D�Vera Cohn was doing a story on the giraffe�s death for the paper and requested the medical records of the animal. The zoo refused to comply with the request, citing that releasing the records would violate the giraffe�s privacy. Umm...kay.

I hate to have to play devil�s advocate, but IT�S A GIRAFFE. A dead giraffe, no less. Plus, it�s a zoo. A zoo is funded by taxpayers. This particular zoo, established by an Act of Congress in 1889, is funded by taxpayers from all over the country. That means I�m paying for this zoo, but the zoo refuses to let me examine the books (or medical records of the animals. Po-tay-toe, po-taat-o). Not cool.

Let�s imagine that I make charitable donations to an organization that I deem worthy of my hard-earned money. Let�s imagine that I heard from one of my people that my money was being used for wild parties with strippers and everything�and that the organization didn�t even bother to invite me. You can bet I�d be on that organization like fugly on Greta Van Susteren (the plastic surgery didn�t take, Greta. Quit while you�re behind. We already have more Joan Rivers than we know what to do with.), and if I found that the rumor was true, I�d STOP GIVING THEM MONEY. Too bad we can�t stop giving the government money, although from their demeanor, you�d think we never do anything for them.

On the other hand, as zoo director Lucy Spelman said, the doctor-patient relationship is �very, very important.� Not.

Sorry, Lucy, but last time I checked, animals were not human. Thus, the ideal that �all men are created equal� does not apply to them. Animals are not men. They are animals.

It will be interesting to see what happens when the Post challenges this. It could be the biggest thing for the paper since Watergate (don�t look at me like that. Go ask your parents about Watergate).

All I know is that if the zoo wins, my dog�s getting a note from his �doctor� the next time he gets jury duty notice.