Saturday nights used to be all about the neatly packaged network lineup NBC called the Thrillogy. It included The Pretender and Profiler, two very good shows that I just couldn't get enough of. (I also snuck in CBS' fantasy drama Early Edition to round it out to a full night.) I had a huge crush on Ally Walker for a very long time, and something about Miss Parker in leather just seemed...I don't know, commanding. Plus, the writing was consistently good, unlike on some other shows of the period (Jesse, Veronica's Closet, we're looking in your direction).

All three of these shows saw the end of the line three years ago, which -- damn! -- I just realized was awhile back. I had left Profiler the previous year when they tried to replace my beloved Ally with that bitch Jamie Luner, but the other two series were still appointment viewing. The series finale of The Pretender was called "The Inner Sense." For the sake of simplicity, I'll spare you the backstory. Those of you who watched the show will know the scene I'm about to describe, and the rest of you will have to suffer through it.

There is a scene toward the end of the first hour where Miss Parker is talking to Angelo about something that I can't quite remember now, but Angelo just looks at her and says, "Sydney knows. Sydney knows all the secrets and lies." That sound byte has been on a loop in my head for the past three days.

There is a psychology to secrets, which I could go into, but I'd just make more of an idiot of myself than usual. Of course information is power, but being from the school of Dr. Joy, I can also tell you that confession is not necessarily good for the soul.

In case you're inebriated, or perhaps just thick-headed, I have a secret. It's information that I'm not thrilled about, but I appreciate the fact that I have it nonetheless. It is a secret with such broad implications in my life and in the lives around me that I just want to rush out and tell everyone, if not so they'll understand the sudden change in my behavior, then so they'll at least have fair warning, too.

Things change, I believe, and things happen for a reason. I truly believe that. I just wonder how much truth there is to this theory that the things that happen for a reason happen because things change or in order to prevent an anticipated change. Have I lost you yet?

It's all about perspective, I suppose, which almost goes back to Early Edition a little bit. Damn, I'm liking these little parallels. The opening monologue used to be something along the lines of this:

What if you knew, beyond a doubt, what was going to happen tomorrow? What would you do? There's no easy answer.

True that. There is no easy answer.

***

And now, for a glimpse into how sad and pathetic my life is. Saturdays have always bummed me out, and I could never really figure out why. I still haven't, in case you're wondering, but I always managed to find three hours of escape each week in my televison, visiting places I'd never been, seeing things I'd never seen. Now that's gone, sort of. I guess the words have changed, but the music is still the same. Thank God for VHS.