The You Side

Full Name: Who are you, the cops? Leave me alone.
Birth month: June
Age: 17
Location: Alabama. If you need to know more than that, you probably already do.
Your zodiac sign: Gemini.
Nicknames: I don't know. They called me "Project Pat" for awhile when I first started my job. And the kids at summer camp in fourth grade called me Tapper.
Email: [email protected]
Height: 5 foot something.
Eye Color: They're blue, but the DMV says green, so whatever. I've been told that they're two different colors. I don't know if I believe that, but I can tell you that every time I look in the mirror, one pupil is bigger than the other.
Hair Color: Blond.
Are you a righty or a lefty or ambidextrous?: Lefty all the way. I would totally shop at a Leftorium if such a store existed outside the parameters of The Simpsons.
Favorite TV show: Sports Night.
Favorite movie you've seen: I refuse to answer movie questions because they make me feel movie illiterate. I do have a special place in my heart for Ghost World, however.
What's your favorite flavor Snapple?: Okay, since no one has drunk Snapple since about 1996, we're just going to move on.
Favorite board game: I'm all about some Monopoly if I have nothing else better to do for four days. Clue usually goes faster, but it makes me feel really dumb, like maybe all those hours of Law & Order reruns had no pratical applications. I refuse to believe it.
Favorite magazine: This is a stupid question. The only people who would have lists of their favorite magazines are teenage girls. But, since you asked, TV Guide.
Favorite food: I have eaten so much Domino's CheeseBread in the past two weeks that they're just going to have to roll me around everywhere from now on.
Favorite ice cream: The stuff they sell two for $3 at the Exxon next to work. Cookies 'n Cream.
Favorite perfume/cologne: There's one that smells rully good, but I can't remember the name of it at any given time, so it's useless to me.
Favorite subject in school: It used to be English, but then we had to read Tess of the D'Urbervilles, so I'd have to make an argument that newspaper counts as a subject. Failing that, government.
Least Favorite: Okay, so anything with math makes me mentally break out into hives. That shit is scary. I will shove the TI-83 up your ass, bitch.
Favorite thing to Drink: Today, Diet Coke. Tomorrow, the world. What?
Least Favorite thing to Drink: Okay, so least favorite beverage, or least favorite thing that I could drink? Because I could totally do shots of commercially available restaurant butter substitute, or we can discuss the horror that is Sierra Mist. And coffee. Coffee sucks, too.
Favorite Soundtrack(s): Threesome has a good soundtrack, but the Rent discs haven't been out of the CD player since I got them last week. "That was a very loud beep" and all, you know.
Favorite thing to do on the weekend: Nothing. Go to the library. Sit around watching really bad movies on cable. Avoid work like the plague. Wait until after midnight Monday morning to start on the weekend's homework.
Best and Favorite advice or quote ever given to you: "A good leader teaches the people to have faith in the leader. A great leader teaches the people to have faith in themselves." - Sue Schmitz
Who's your favorite singer/group: Singer: Ben Folds. Group: Barenaked Ladies.
Favorite Song by them? Jeebus, this question blows. It's really hard, but "Best Imitation of Myself" by Ben and "Trust Me" by BNL.
What's your favorite holiday: St. Swithen's Day.
What's your favorite color: Black.
Favorite shampoo or conditioner: Whatever my sister leaves in the bathroom. Sometimes it smells like fruit.
Persons who know the most about you: Well, there's L. and R. Then you have Remma and Daphne C. And Kevin. And Moonshadow. That's mostly girls, isn't it? Hmm.
Loudest person I know: Loudest when sober or loudest when drunk? Because that's when there's some competition.
Craziest or silliest person you know: Well, there's a schizophrenic homeless man on the computer next to me...
Favorite Friends to hang with: These days, it's Daphne G. and Kevin and Moonshadow.
If you could meet one person in the world, who would it be?: Jeebus. This question also sucks. One person in the world? Ben Folds. Or maybe Josh Charles or Nicole Sullivan. That's a seriously uncool question.
If you could meet any dead person, who would it be?: Hmm. Dead people tend to smell, and I understand they're not very good dinner companions because of their lack of...um, life.
The Nicest Guy you've ever met: No one's nice anymore. The '90s are over.
The Nicest Girl you've ever met: I don't know. There's this really nice girl at work, but she's also extremely lazy.

The Crush Side

Do you have a crush?: Heh. Hell yes.
Do you have a Boyfriend/Girlfriend?: Yes.
If so who: Mind your own goddamn business.
If you could go out with anyone in the world, who: I think we all know the answer to this.
When you meet a person of your preferred sex, you first notice their: That depends on whether the person is bleeding profusely or something, but I suppose under normal circumstances, I'd have to say their hair.
Who was your first crush?: This girl from my kindergarten class. It did not end well.
Have you ever been in love?: Yes.

The Past Side

What do you remember most about this year..? This year just started. What the hell? But probably Rent. Or winning state in government. That ruled, too.
Memory (thing) you miss the most: Perhaps Gamma Omega Delta when it was classy.
What's the first thing you thought of when you woke up this morning?: The fact that I had to be somewhere in thirty minutes. This did not stop me from falling asleep again in the shower.
Were you "cool" 5 years ago?: Depending on who you ask, I'm not even cool now.
Does it bother you how you can't experience good memories by going back in time?: I'll tell you what bothers me: whoever wrote this survey needs to take some remedial English classes at the community college.
Would u go back in time if u could?: Oh my Jesus, the word is "you," not "u".
Where do u see yourself in 10 Years?: Goddamnit! Would you stop that?
Future Son names: I had some good names back when my friend Sandy was pregnant, but that was long ago.
Future Daughter names: See above.
If you could have any occupation when you get older, what would it be?: Personal observation column writer. Or some sort of editing job. I like me some words.
Ever wanna be what your parents are?: Let's see: engineer or day care secretary. I'm going to go with no.
What is your dream car: One that runs and has a cool sound system.
Where do you plan on living after getting out of school: I've got a grungy apartment all picked out.
What age do you want to get married: No comment.
Describe your dream wedding: Wow. Too bad I've been thinking about this. It's '70s-themed and it starts at 9:00 at night. We're trying to get Mrs. Schmitz to become a justice of the peace. The honeymoon is at Six Flags.
Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?: Yes.
What do you wear to bed?: Well, the other night I went to bed in a t-shirt and boxers and when I woke up, I was naked. No idea how that happened.
Boxers or Briefs: Boxers all the way.
Most romantic thing that ever happened to you: Say it with me, kids: romance is the poison of the twenty-first century.
If you could dye your hair one color: I would look really dumb.
On a scale from 1-10 (1 lowest) how romantic are you?: Shut. Up.
If you could have a tattoo, what and where would it be?: Definitely not on my chest or my shoulder or anything that's easily visible, because that's kind of dirty, except when girls have a rose or something on their ankle. They can get away with that.
What's on your walls in your room?: I don't know. There's a corkboard and a dry erase board, but other than that, I don't think there's anything. How the hell should I know? I'm never in my room.
Have you ever been skinnydiping: Yes.
Do you type with your fingers on the right keys?: Hell yes.
What's under your bed?: Videotapes. And probably a few renegade socks.
Have you ever been convicted of a crime: No.
Have you ever won any special awards: None that are worth mentioning.

The Feelings Side

What do you think of Ouija boards?: Milton Bradley has quite a racket going, I can tell you that.
Do you believe in yourself: Um, yeah.
Worst feeling in the world: Being caught in a really bad lie.
Best feeling in the world: Heh.
Do you have motion sickness: On the NASA simulator at Six Flags, hell yeah. But that's about the only place.
Are you for World Peace?: No.
Stay with your religion or change it? Change it. Or go without.
One thing you want to change about yourself: The fact that my hair makes me look homeless.
Are you a health freak?: I wash my hand regularly, if that's what you're asking.
What's on your mouse pad?: Technically, it's not my mousepad, but it looks like an ad for SIRSI.
How many rings before you answer the phone?: At home, two. At work, less than one.
Have you ever been attacked by a big dog?: I'm not even going to dignify that with a response.
Ever been on TV?: Many, many times. At least once in the last month.
Best thing that ever happened to you?: In retrospect, moving to Alabama.
Worst thing that ever happened to you?: Having to leave my friends in Illinois.

***

So I got bored and filled out another survey. So sue me. Valentine's Day went off without a hitch (which means it sucked). Work was really busy and I didn't get out until around 2:00 this morning. Closing isn't fun, but the hours are good. Thank Jeebus for the impending three-day weekend. The homeless man won't stop giggling and typing random letters into the Yahooligans! search box -- and there, he just flailed his arms, so I'm leaving. Thanks for playing, kids.